BOUNDARIES, HEALING & DEPENDENCE



\\Are we carrying any boundaries that do not serve humanity?//


As I shared a 1-2-1 Sacred Healing Ritual for a dear sister yesterday, I found myself channelling something that touched us both very deeply, surrounding boundaries.


Boundaries are a current "hot topic"... and I have been on quite a journey with understanding them over the years. I am still learning the importance of boundaries, and no doubt always will be.


What arose during our ritual however, was connected to creating so-felt useful or necessary boundaries when it comes to dependence.


Something many of us struggle with is being dependent on another. And vice versa, someone being dependent on us.


A common fear is allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, in need, or to give away our power. Also perhaps simultaneously we fear rejection & abandonment, by someone not "showing up" for us. Thus, fearing being hurt... Something we've all experienced, undoubtedly.


Fears can also arise when someone comes to depend on us. Perhaps we fear allowing another to depend on us leaves us vulnerable to being used, or that we might slip into an all too familiar role. For example, codependency... which we know is largely non-beneficial to our own growth.


Sometimes fear may even arise surrounding responsibility - something many of us unconsciously resist!


We are left then, with independence...

Seemingly the best option?

Perhaps not!


Let us remember, we are human beings & humans need humans. We need care and love and nurture, whether as babies... elderly... and each & every moment between.


Being independent and simply looking after ourselves... can lead to an individualistic society.

An every (wo)man for themselves mentality.

And let's perhaps consider the energy this increasingly familiar mentality is creating in the world, larger scale..


Lines & borders for seeming "protection".

Power struggles.

An unhealthy & nonsensical need for control.


... boundaries aren't always healthy.


We must use a huge measure of discernment, here.


A great example is in relationship with another. Oftentimes we pull back from a relationship when one of these fears is triggered.

A way we can use discernment here is by asking ourselves,

Am I pulling back from this fearing I will lose my independence?

Am I pulling back from this because it makes me feel too vulnerable?

Am I pulling back because I fear responsibility? Or getting hurt? ... and so on.


Another example, if we are met with someone showing signs of undependability, oftentimes we can shift our own dependability, based on the actions of another.

An "If you can't be there for me, then I won't be there for you" move...

We must ask ourselves, does this boundary feel a protective move, disconnected from our truth?

(It most probably is!)

Simply tune in... & if it feels to be a measure of "keeping us safe", let's sit with that.

Are we over-protecting ourselves to a point of limiting the love we can give & receive?

And consider what would happen if we all worked in this way?


We must choose to lead the way.

The way of the heart.

This is vulnerability.

And this is how humanity will heal.


It is so common to pull back from a relationship, thinking we are doing so for our greater good... but the true test of healing any & all of the above, is actually within relationship.


It is when we feel triggered negatively, there is potential for the most medicine & healing.


In truth, a balanced being is comfortable within all 3 states - being dependent, being dependable & being independent.

To know it's ok to depend on another, even if it leaves us feeling vulnerable.

To know it's ok to be dependedable, seeing this as a beautiful gift, and we too need that sometimes.

To know it's ok being independent - knowing yes, of course we can do it alone.

BUT despite that, needing or even simply wanting someones help does not make us weak.


There's a sliding scale to all, of course.

Too few boundaries are detrimental to our energy, and our health.

Yet, too many boundaries can be just as detrimental, particularly in how we engage with the world & our fellow human beings. And how we may develop in relationship.


As always, may we all journey closer to a state of balance... and a heart-led life & world.


And perhaps let's start asking ourselves.

1. Does this truly feel to serve me? ... and, perhaps a clearer view may come using:

2. Does this feel to serve humanity?


With love & gratitude,


Felicity❣️

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